Such is My Beloved

Of all the reviews I found, Eric McMillan's article "...Story hides erotic subtext" was the closest to my interpretation of this 1934 novel by Morley Callaghan, as Eric writes:

The plot seems rather predictable. An avid young priest finds himself drawn by pity to help two prostitutes. His motives are honourable, but it soon becomes clear some inner uncertainty is pushing him to the point that the girls' welfare becomes a compulsion with him.

What appears to be missing in all the reviews that identify a simplistic religious allegory (characters symbolizing Jesus, Mary Magdelene, Judas) is the irony that what the priest condemned at the pulpit (i.e. prostitution) is what he eventually condones by virtue of his persistent support of the two prostitutes. The erotic sub-text is evident.

The analogy for me is not the reference to prostitution per se, but rather the irony that whatever one might condemn most emphatically in one's life, is likely the very area where one might experience a situation that can become increasingly grey. A simplistic way of articulating this is that one's morals become subject to 'test,' and we become very aware of the fallacy of clear cut wrongs and rights, and the importance of not being so quick to judge others' behaviours or actions. Or rather, that the wrongs and rights remain clear, but the human struggle underlying a final decision, one decision at a time, can be blurry, living life as a sentient being, not merely as an intellect. Interestingly, the priest's efforts to help the two women eventually were to no avail, and his helping them could have been construed as a futile attempt to purge his Christian guilt, or sublimate his unsatiated desires.

Or, as my intentions and past behaviours were described by a friend who speculates he may also be motivated my the same ideal, a perspective of noblesse oblige, where the disenfranchised hold a particular appeal in order for us to 'help.' One might speculate that the person or persons that are being helped hold an appeal due to their qualities or characteristics that we have ourselves, which we may not acknowledge fully. In Morley Callaghan's "Such is My Beloved," Father Dowling's helping eventually led him to a sanitorium, which ironically prevents him from being of service to anyone else.

Kissin' Time

That's the name of a Marianne Faithfull CD - a song from which I will quote below (which I believe is called either "Nobody's Fault" or "Wasted Blues)."

Over the week-end a close friend (who has been a friend for about 30 years) told me : "Roevel you are a hopeless romantic, you have the gift of having a very vivid imagination. " (It was a euphemistic way of saying that I sometimes lack accurate judgment when it comes to matters of the heart).

It made me think of Marianne Faithfull's song:

When the moon is...counterfeit...
Better find..the one that fits..
Better find...the one...who lights...the way for you...
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault....but my own...
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault....but my own...

It is interesting that friends can see things clearly sometimes, that one may not be able to see completely if one is too close to the situation.

The great thing about not receiving what one thinks one wants, or things going differently from what one may have anticipated, is that it makes way for receiving what it is that one truly wants. Or, it gets one back on path.

Gratitude

Bob Proctor said something very astute during the Science of Getting Rich Club weekly call today....something to the effect that the level of ones gratitude is directly related to ones previous difficulties. These challenges enable us to feel gratitude for what we have now.

In considering this, it suggests there is actually a practical benefit to adversity ! As he has noted in prior recordings, a wise person always looks towards the good in anything 'bad.'

Strawberry & Rhubarb Fields Forever

I realized over the weekend that I really may not be "of this world," even though it is apparent that I am, physically. I was asked whether I was "very jealous," and in contemplating this and examining my feelings, I realized I did not feel jealous whatsoever. Not even a bit. Not an iota.

What I did realize, is that behaviours that may potentially elicit jealousy, or drama, simply do not interest me - I don't find it attractive. In the right (or appropriate) context, I don't consider it unattractive. In any event, observing others' behaviours is what it is - an observation. Making an observation can be construed by others as being judged. But, my observations are simply that, nothing else. Verbalizing an observation is not a judgment. That said, I understand how someone may construe the verbalization of an observation as a judgment. It is curious to observe defensiveness in simply asking a question, or making an observation.

In the past, I may have perceived this emotion (jealousy) to represent what I feel about a person (that I liked the individual), however I now realize it does not, that the feeling has everything to do with insecurity and the belief that it is a limited universe.

I also realized that caring about others is not about analyzing and thinking things through to the point of excess. It is sometimes just being, or listening. I likely need to listen more, or just be, rather than verbalize observations. Thinking about this made me think of the Beatles song:

Living is easy with eyes closed...misunderstanding all you see...
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out...
It doesn't matter much to me....

This morning upon arriving at work I was observing the tremendous water fall painting by Derek Besant, consisting of 12 large squares vertically (to the ceiling), and 6 large squares horizontally. It could simply be a highly developed imagination, but I felt I could hear the water roaring, crashing down. Terrific, inspiring way to start a day at 6:51am.